Blut und Eisen
by rev lady mal
Summary: After making just about everyone in Europe miserable for approximately 20 years or so, Prussia has an important announcement. Characters:  Prussia, Austria, Russia, France, England, Italy, Hungary, Germany


Prussia took a long drag on the cigar before tossing the match into the elegant crystal bowl sitting on the table in front of him. A cloud of blue-gray smoke billowing around him, he propped his boots back on the fine grain wood of the table and turned the page of the book he read, a smug smile of satisfaction and great accomplishment on his face. He turned another page of the well-read Herder treatise and let his eyes float over the almost memorized words. Some European nations had fought against the ideas of the Prussian philosopher, but his ideas had inspired Prussia, given him his dreamflower, as he liked to envision it. He had waited, and when the others stupidly sought peace through the Conference of Vienna, Prussia had laid low and waited until the time was right. Waited for the moment his dreamflower could bloom. Now the time was here, and as he enjoyed the taste of the cigar, he smiled at the book that laid the foundation of his accomplishment. He looked toward the door when he heard voices and footsteps approach from the distance. Finally the moment he waited for years had arrived.

"Peewwww! That thing stinks!" A female voice exclaimed harshly.

Prussia's grin grew wider as he posed himself looking up from the book and pretending to be surprised to find Hungary glaring at him from the doorway, hands on her hips.

"Put that thing out before Austria smells it, you know how he is!" She came closer despite the horrible smell and stood over him.

Prussia took another long drag and blew the smoke toward Hungary's face, making her blush and glare at him more. "I do know exactly how he is. Make yourself useful and get me something to drink." He blew another puff of smoke in her direction before she could give him an angry look and stomp out of the room, nearly running into Austria as he entered the doorway, his expression one of disgust, as if happening upon a bloated, rotting carcass. When Austria saw who was sitting there, he realized it wasn't his imagination.

"Mein Gott, what are you smoking? That roll of dung didn't come from my humidor." Austria's nostrils flared as he looked at Prussia, anger and resentment growing. He still smarted from his loss of authority and control over the German Confederation, as well as Prussia's manipulation of Italy into wanting independence.

Prussia took the cigar from his lips and smiled. "Hallo, Austria! Really? I bought it from your tobacconist." He put down the book and reached inside his coat pocket, producing another cigar and handed it to Austria.

Austria looked down at it, twirling it subconsciously to make sure it was rolled properly before frowning and tossing it on the table. "And what are you doing here? A very important meeting will be starting here soon, and-"

"That is exactly why I am here." Prussia interrupted him, grinning at Austria's growing consternation. He really enjoyed pissing him off so much it felt deliciously sinful.

Hungary returned with a bottle of wine and glasses on a tray. Prussia stood and cast his grin on her. "About time, I'm about to die of thirst!"

"Damn. Then I returned too soon." Hungary growled at him, putting the serving tray on the table. "France, England and Russia have arrived."

"Excellent!" Prussia crowed. He scooped up the first glass Hungary filled and took a long drink. "Ah, delicious!" He raised his glass to them both.

Hungary and Austria exchanged uneasy glances. The whole point of this meeting was to discuss Prussia and the state of affairs in France, but now that he was here … as they both watched Prussia help himself to more wine, France came into the room stopping just inside the doorway suddenly when he saw Ihim/I standing there.

"What is 'e doing here?" France spat out, looking at Austria and jerking his thumb in Prussia's direction. "I did not come all the way to Vienna to smell this pile of dog shit!"

"I wish I knew." Austria frowned while he gave Prussia another annoyed look. Austria looked back at France and was startled by how shockingly thin he looked from the siege. He also noted the dark circles rimming his haggard eyes. "Ah, can I offer you something?

"Non that is not necessary, I can wait to have dinner with the others." France made a noise of disgust and sank wearily into a chair, glaring menacingly at Prussia. "I doubt I could keep anything down right now anyway."

Russia entered next, looking around at everyone in the room, his gaze stopping on Prussia when he recognized him. "Good afternoon everyone. Did someone die?"

Prussia snickered as he approached. "Hardly! Hallo Russia! Here you go!" He reached inside his coat pocket and handed him a cigar.

"Thank you, Prussia," Russia replied, putting the cigar under his nose and sniffing it. "I thought perhaps someone had soiled themselves when I first came in, but now I understand." He slipped the cigar inside his coat, his smile never unwavering.

"Are you still having trouble with Turkey?" Prussia asked, already knowing the answer to his question. Lots of underhanded work went into making sure Russia and Turkey had troubles with each other. Prussia liked to keep potential issues he might have to deal with busy.

"Ahh, nothing I can't handle." Russia smiled. "Turkey likes my sisters a little too much. Especially Ukraine. Plus we keep having issues over whether my navy can be in the Black Sea or not. Turkey makes things interesting for me."

"Thank goodness for that." Prussia thought to himself; his smile remained on his face as he passed a cigar to France. "Here you go, old friend. Don't forget your rent is due next week." He couldn't help with the barb, it still amused his so much that France owed Ihim/I money.

Bits of cigar wrapping and loose tobacco flew from France's hand when he crushed the cigar to pieces in rage. His sunken eyes flashed with anger. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted when a new figure entered the room.

"I say, what the bloody hell is that awful smell?" England's eyes looked around at the other nations in the room before they settled on France. "Ah, mystery solved."

"Hallo, England." Prussia walked over and handed him a cigar. "So, is that everyone? Where is Italy? I know he's on the guest list for today." He looked around carefully, just in case Italy was busy chatting up a girl somewhere, or sitting behind the sofa petting a kitten.

"Who knows," Austria mumbled. "We will be here all day however, if we wait for him." He motioned to Hungary to serve wine to everyone, and then gave Prussia another withering stare. "You on the other hand are not invited. You may leave. Now."

Prussia shook his head at Austria, his grin as wide as ever. "You forget yourself, I am the one in charge now, not you." He took his original seat and swung his legs up, placing his boots back on the table next to his book. "I don't care about whatever business you may have, or your agenda. I have something very important to share with all of you first."

Everyone stared at him, France has a lopsided grin on his face; Austria still looked as though he smelled something rotten. Russia smiled, Hungary glared, and England had a reserved but curious expression.

Prussia put his hands behind his head and grinned at them all. "Yes, I have some very important news to share with all of you."

"Say what you have to say, then get out." Austria stated bluntly. He dropped the attitude when he was really irritated.

France's eyes were full of anger with his grin. "I don't know what you could possibly 'ave to say that would interest any of us."

"You didn't say that when I offered you a bribe to mind your own business while I whipped on Austria here." Prussia snickered. "Or when Austria and I paid Denmark that social call about Schleswig and Holstein. You were more than interested in what I had to say then."

"And you never came through on any of your promises!" France exclaimed.

Prussia shrugged. "It kept you out of the way. That's the important thing."

France lunged over the table at Prussia, causing the other nation to leap out of the way. France growled menacingly as he chased Prussia around the large table. "GET BACK 'ERE SO I CAN KILL YOU, YOU RED EYED DEVIL!"

Austria reached out and grabbed France's arms when he ran by, making him fall back and land against his chest. "Stop it! This solves nothing!" He fumed, angry at Prussia for causing all this chaos.

"He tried to put some obscure cousin of his king's on Spain's throne!" France struggled to get away.

"Pffft! As if you have room to talk, you've been putting the poor relations of the house of Bourbon on his throne for ages!" Prussia jumped back when France lunged at him again so violently Austria nearly lost his hold of him. England stared with his hand to his mouth. Russia smiled as he watched the fight. It was always nice to spend time with others.

"Isabella had plenty of children!"

"Whose children? It's a known fact her husband likes men!"

A strangled cry erupted from France as he renewed his struggle to get out of Austria's arms.

"Struggle all you want, my old friend. It's over and you know it." Prussia chuckled as he watched France slowly lose his strength and go limp in Austria's arms. War and starvation had taken too much from him. There was no remorse or pity for him however. Prussia knew that France merely stung from being beaten at his own game.

England came to the table allowing himself a satisfied glance at France's appearance before addressing Prussia. "What is this all about?"

"This? This is all about my wonderful news." Prussia sat down opposite France, resting his clasped fingers on the table.

"And what news is that?" Russia asked, coming forward until he stood next to England. He also gave France a look, not feeling sorry for him in the least.

Prussia cast his gaze over both of them. They were opposites, even occupied the opposite ends of Europe. "So different, yet so alike in many ways. Both licking your wounds after the Crimean war, both taking care of the "home fires" through reforming domestic policies," he gave them both a smug look. "And both of you embroiled with problems in Asia."

"It seems you have been doing a bit of empire building yourself." Russia stated.

"Only taking the bits important to me.

England shook his head. "I only have the bits important to me too."

Prussia grinned. "Like India, China, Australia and New Zealand. Nice score with Australia discovering, gold by the way." Prussia nodded, "And let's not forget, your interests in America. Been having fun lately with the ITrent/I affair, the Maximillian affair, that whole affair with the 'USS' IAlabama,/I that never once came within sight of the American coast, but sailed to nearly every other port around the world. What is it with you? Every time you get involved with America, it becomes an 'affair'."

"Don't be vulgar, Prussia! It's hardly what you think!" England huffed defensively, crossing his arms. Russia laughed quietly under his breath.

"It's never what you think, old man." Prussia snickered.

"Enough." France finally spoke up. "Are you done 'humiliating everyone?"

"Just about. All I have left is to tell you why I created … all of this." Prussia waved about the room. "I took Holstein and Schleswig from Denmark because they were German dukedoms ruled by the Danish King. They deserve better than that. Denmark should be used to losing land by now anyway. I had to talk Austria into helping me because there was no way in hell I could bring the other German speaking states back into the fold without Austria's approval. But I would never allow Austria to have even an equal say managing those new states that became part of this new nation, so I went to war against him. With the help of Italy to weaken him."

Russia's eyes widened at Prussia, wondering if his ears had just played tricks with him. The tall nation sat down to listen to him more closely.

"Bastard!" Hungary spoke up, her hand resting on Austria's shoulder.

Prussia focused on her. "Oh, I've heard about your little union. I'm only curious, which one of you wore the dress?"

Before Hungary could say another word, Austria leaned over and banged his hand on the table. "Say what you came to say, and get out!"

"I'm getting to that." Prussia grinned. "With Austria dealt with I had only one obstacle left to stop me." He pointed at France. "You. I offered you bribes at first to keep you quiet while I dealt with twinkle fingers over here and let me do what I wanted. You agreed until you realized after the dust settled on the hill at Chlum that this was about much more than which one of us gained the upper hand over ruling a couple of dukedoms. You are so predictable, France. You use rumor and subterfuge at every opportunity to swing opinion and manipulate the rest of us. I took a page from your book, that's all. Luxembourg, for instance."

France lifted his weary head. "What about Luxembourg?" He lifted his eyes to scowl at England. "How did 'e ever find out about that?"

England frowned. "Prussia, you're the one who told me about France wanting Luxembourg …" His eyes widened, then he shook his head and laughed. "You cheeky devil."

Prussia glanced at France as he pulled out a well-creased piece of paper from his pocket. "Here is the original telegram France sent me about that deal." He dropped it on the table for all to see. "The version you got England is only slightly altered. Just enough to make it sound even worse than it already was."

France covered his face with his hands. He couldn't take any more. "Why, why did you do this to all of us?"

"I know why!" Russia exclaimed cheerfully. "You did all of this to benefit yourself!" he admired Prussia's obvious outwitting of both Austria and France. "Is it true you debriefed diplomats in a brothel in Berlin?"

Prussia laughed. "The honey trap method. Another trick I took from him," he nodded in France's direction. "It works. That's all I can say. But on one point Russia, you're wrong. I know what it looks like, but I promise I didn't do this for me." Prussia stood and looked down at the top of France's bowed head. "Believe it or not old friend I did not want to go to war with you. I tried to give you a diplomatic way out, but … things don't always work out the way you hope. For some of you at least." He walked to a closed door in the far corner of the room and disappeared inside after opening it quietly.

Everyone exchanged glances wondering what Prussia would do next. Russia already had an idea from the hint Prussia had dropped a moment before. He was rather surprised no one else picked up on it. Perhaps they were all in denial?

Prussia shortly returned, carrying a large basket covered with a blanket. When he spoke again, it was barely above a whisper. "Think what you want. Unlike the rest of you, all my plans and actions were not for me; they were for … him." He pulled the blanket away and looked at the others.

The other nations came forward and looked inside. Hungary gasped. England's eyes grew wide as his hand went to his mouth. Austria stared, suddenly feeling sick. The smile on Russia's face disappeared. Prussia's eyes were glued on France's face however, looking forward to his reaction the most.

"Non, impossible." He stood slowly, a look of horror on his face. "You didn't!"

"I did!" Prussia answered him, triumph and pride in his voice. "Do you know how long I've wanted this? Wanted him?" He looked down at the sleeping baby inside the basket. "How long have you manipulated the rest of us to make sure this never happened? Speak up and tell us how you spent centuries making sure this didn't happen."

Austria's eyes narrowed. "So then, this is not … him."

Prussia's eyes bore into Austria. "Absolutely not! He is dead and gone, thanks to France! For that he has my eternal gratitude." He looked down at the tiny nation in the basket sucking on his fist. "Holy Roman Empire was a mistake. A meaningless title given to a king who lived and died a thousand years ago; a title that should have died with him." He smirked when he felt Austria's glare on him. "This is a true, unified German nation."

"Unified?" Austria glanced at France, who had just crumpled back into his chair and looked like death warmed over. "I doubt that. Bavaria will never-"

"Don't speak so soon; Bavaria's considering my offer right now." Prussia's smile illuminated the room.

France shook. "A nightmare, this is a nightmare."

"For you, perhaps." Prussia quietly stated as he lifted the sleeping infant from the basket. "For me, it's a dream come true." He walked away from the others cradling the bundle in his arms. "You grow up big and strong now, baby Germany. You will need to be a strong nation to keep what is yours from these vultures."

France stared in Prussia's direction, watching him cuddle the baby as he walked over to a window. "After all this time and the work I've done to make sure this never happened."

England shook his head, and then looked at France. He put his hand on the other nation's shoulder. "Let's get you something to eat."

"Did someone say they wanted to eat?" Italy walked into the room, a large pizza pan held high over his head. "Hello everyone!"

They all turned to look at the new arrival. Austria frowned. Hungary bit her lip. France glanced at Prussia and opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and shut it. Russia wandered closer to Prussia to get a better look at the baby. He thought a new nation would be fun to play with and smiled down at the innocent little face.

"Italy! You're late! Where-" Austria stopped himself, remembering that Italy no longer lived in his house. He was independent now.

Hungary looked at Italy. "This is why you are late? You've been cooking?"

"I have a new recipe and wanted you all to try it!" He answered cheerfully as he put the large pan on the table and everyone stared at it. It was a pizza with sunny side up eggs cooked on top.

"Merde," France groaned, staring with disgust at the concoction. "What 'ave you done?"

"I call it, 'Pizza alla Bismarck!'" Italy answered cheerfully.

Author's Note: If I weren't in the middle of writing a multi-chapter fic about Belarus right now I would spend more time with this period of history. There is so much going on!

Much of my inspiration for this story came from reading about Otto von Bismarck. He had the singular purpose of uniting the German states into one nation, and with that goal in mind, cut deals, made bribes, manipulated government officials, spread rumors and even reluctantly went to war to make it happen. Russia and England were never really directly involved, but they did try to have some input into what was going on, and were mostly ignored. Mostly affected by the changes were Austria and France. In a matter of a few years, the Council of Vienna's plans for a peaceful Europe disappeared.

Bismarck liked to read French novels, eat large meals of rich food and was infamous for enjoying several eggs in a single meal; one source claims his record is 24. Pizza alla Bismarck according to one source is made in Italy (If anyone wants to correct me here, please do!) and is supposed to be a tribute to von Bismarck and his love of eggs.


End file.
